When I Die, Cremate My Computer
by UkexSemeYEqualsXToThePowerOfZ
Summary: Two skater boys plus two rich boys multiplied by their exponential gayness equals...well, you do the math! With this crazy OT4, you best not forget to do the groupings first. NejixSasukexNarutoxGaara WoW...
1. The Broken Skateboard

DBCA-Ey oh all! I am's 'ere an' iffin u cain't anderstand mee join de clup...we 'ave plushies. Anyway! 'tis a story 'mazin' ain't it! So...Seran you do it I need a cookie.

Seran-Yo! Just for the record, I have a bit of a fixation with Sony VAIO FE-890's, cuz they're beautiful and bring out the technosexual in me. You'll understand when you read this chapter, don't worry! Well...it has taken us a long time and much grief (not really but 'tever), but we are proud to present:

**When I Die, Cremate My Computer**

Disclaimer: If we owned Naruto, do you really think that the only yaoi in it would be in chapter 347? 

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Story Start----------------------------------------------------------------------ENJOY!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------Story Start

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Naruto sighed and looked at his board…well at least what was left of it. _'Crap I can't believe my board got so killed! Jiji said this was the last one he was going buy me…' _That was the last time he tried to grind a broken rail. _'So, if my boards killed over there why am I safe over here?' _He twisted his head up and peered into sea green eyes. 

"Hey…you out of your simple-minded daze yet, Blondie?" Gaara dropped him when he saw that the other skater would be able to stand on his own.

"You suck go die!…err…thanks for catching me…I guess," Naruto looked at the ground embarrassed. He had just been caught (and dropped) by the number one freaking _goth _in the whole freaking school! What are the chances of someone like _him_ coming here?!?

"Looks like your board got pretty fucked up," the redhead stated, dropping his own and placing one foot on it. "You're lucky I was beneath you when you fell."

"Yeah I know! I so could've killed myself!" the blonde gave a foxy grin to the other teen and finally picked himself up off the ground. "So why are you here?…Not that I'm not glad 'cause you know…I'd be…well yeah…so…" Shaking his head, Gaara skated over to the trashed board and picked it up to inspect it.

"You really did a number on it…I don't think even my brother can fix it…" he trailed off and looked back at the blonde. "You'll have to get a new one; perhaps you should just give up, though? This is the fifth board I've seen you with in a month." Taking it back to Naruto, he shoved it into his hands. "Well, I'm goin' home. Maybe you should see if Kankurou can actually fix it."

Naruto's head slumped in defeat, "But, I…I…Hey! This was only my fourth board!! And, I don't suck as badly as you think…my ankle…But that's beside the point…And I don't know who the hell your brother is!! Plus you never said why you were here!! Dangit don't walk away from me!!!" Naruto caught the angst ridden boy by the arm. Said boy stared at him in disbelief.

"Did you just say…dangit? What the hell? What happened to 'dammit'? Just follow me to my house or something, I don't care. If you're gonna come, then hurry up." He hopped off his board so Naruto could keep up if he decided to follow him, and then set off down the street. "And why the hell do you _think_ I was there? Did you not see the skateboard? BAKA!!! I was there for the same reason you were!…only without the falling and being caught by random strangers…"

Naruto watched the redhead stunned, "W-wait! I so saw the skateboard! It's just everyone says that this street is haunted or some stupid crap like that…So, you know I figured…you were…and just so you know I _live_ this way!…" Naruto faded off, "plus the rail _normally _isn't broken!"

---

Neji frowned at the raven in front of him. Now why exactly was he going to Sasuke's crazy relatives' house? _'If it wasn't for Deidara and his hair tips I wouldn't go near that house without a 39 ½ foot pole.' _He looked around at the small lower-middle-class houses, _'And how can anyone related to Sasuke live in such a plebian neighborhood?' _A stray skateboard proved his point. With a sigh Neji sped up, falling in-step with Sasuke, _'Well whatever works…'_

Sasuke shot his on-again, off-again boyfriend a look.

"You don't want to be here, do you?" He slung an arm around the brunet's shoulders, pulling him closer to his side.

Neji pulled his impassive mask on, "Iie bitsuni."

The raven made a face at him. "Ah, we'll be quick. I just wanted to say 'hi' to my cousin and his boyfriends. And, you know you want Deidara's hair tips!" They reached the house, which was considerably nicer than the surrounding buildings. Instead of knocking, Sasuke merely opened the door, having visited Tobi too many times to bother with politeness.

"Tobi! Dei-chan! Sasori!" he shouted, slipping his shoes off.

Neji slipped his shoes off too, already used to Sasuke and his family. Before he could follow Sasuke, a yellow blur grabbed him.

"_Neji-chan!!" _the blonde shrieked happily, hugging him. "It's been _forever!! _Why don't you ever come to visit?" he pouted sadly, letting his big blue eyes start to water.

Neji blinked impassively save a twitch in his eye. "One-I'm not a girl, don't call me chan. Two-I don't come over because you're _insane! _Three_-_" the look on Deidara's face cut him off. His bottom lip was trembling, fake tears threatening to spill over.

"You don't…love me, un?" he whimpered. In the background, Sasuke was grinning at the blonde's antics. The raven turned when he heard his cousin speak.

"Ne, ne Sasu-chan I'm so glad you visited!! It's so boring without you around! I mean there are only old people around here-" Arms wrapped around his waist.

"What were you saying about old people?" purred Sasori.

"S-Sasori-senpai!! Wha-what a-are…you…"

"Sasori-danna!" Deidara called, suddenly reversing his mood. "Look who's come to visit me! It's Neji, un!"

"Like I said! I'm not visiting…you…" Neji trailed off. Deidara was acting like a kicked puppy again.

"Demo…Neji-chan…I wub you!!!" The blonde proceeded to choke the brunet.

By this time, Sasuke was ignoring the two, and opted for following Sasori and Tobi into the moderately clean, albeit tiny, kitchen to help them prepare lunch.

"Ah, Sasori-danna, Baka-chan, wait up!" Deidara gripped Neji's arm and bounced after the retreating trio.

"So, what's for lunch, un?" he asked brightly, plopping onto a chair and pulling the brunet down with him, forcing him to sit on the next chair over. The blonde propped his feet up on the table, hoping Sasori wouldn't scold him for it.

Wanting to make life hard for the petit Deidara, Sasuke silently tugged on the redhead's sleeve and pointed. Scowling, Sasori whirled and glared at his uke, immediately laying into him.

"Deidara. Why exactly are your, disgusting clay encrusted _feet_ on _my_ clean table!" The red head ranted until he was merely background noise.

Tobi leaned over the table and grinned in Sasuke's face, "Ohhhhhh _Sasu-chan!_ I have a _present_ for you!!" He reached into his swirly orange bag and pulled out a neon pink and yellow polka dotted present. "Here you go!" Sasuke stared in horror at the flamboyant gift.

'_What…the…fuck…?'_ "Um…thanks…" he accepted the present and set it on the table to unwrap it. Deidara grinned as the paper was torn away.

"I helped pick out the wrapping paper, un. Pretty, ne?" Sasuke cringed and meekly agreed, scared of the blonde's (possibly explosive) response were he to disagree. The object the hideous paper concealed was worth the eye damage he suffered.

"The laptop I wanted…" Sasuke stared in shock. A pitch black Sony VAIO FE-890 lay in front of him. "Thank you so much!" He launched himself around the table and hugged Tobi fiercely before carting his new computer to the living room and setting it on the arm of the chair by the window. Neji followed him, watching in amusement as he curled up on the chair to set up everything on his laptop how he wanted him, before leaning on the window sill and staring out.

Neji gazed disinterestedly at the sky his ADD hitting him full force. Ohh look there was a cloud, and hey a plane, was that a bird? Hmm, pretty butterfly, hey two really cute, sexy ukes…wait, what now?! Neji did a double take and yep, there were two very fine pieces of eye candy outside, a smexy red head and an adorable blonde. "Hey Sasuke come over here…" Sasuke looked up irritably.

"Whaaat?" The look of dumbstruck awe and lust on Neji's face convinced him to join his friend at the window.

"I…" Sasuke couldn't find words to express just how smexy the two boys outside were. Wait a minute…

"That's Gaara!"

"Gaara?"

Did Sasuke know one of the hot guys out there? Neji felt so jealous. How come Sasuke knows one of them! Why not him!? Wasn't he good enough? But, that just meant he had to work twice as hard to get the blonde's heart!

"Before you get too incredibly jealous, Gaara is in my math class," the Uchiha said dryly. "I'm not having some sort of secret romance with him. But damn, he's brilliant. He never gets the first highest grades, I refuse to be less than the best, but he's almost always second." The two boys stood in silence after that, drooling after the two skaters until they disappeared around a corner.

"Sooo, his name's Gaara, explain…"

---

Naruto huffed, why was he following some stranger to his house, anyway? Oh right, his board. But, this was definitely the way to his house, so did that mean Gaara lived somewhere near him? They took a left turn onto a dead end street, the street before his own. _'You mean someone my age actually lives down here!'_ He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice Gaara stop. He walked into the red head in front of him, "Ouch! Why the heck did you stop?!"

"Baka…this is my house," Gaara said, slapping him on the back of his head. "Now come on!" They turned up the driveway and, right before they reached the door, frantic shouting came from inside.

"KANKUROU!!" a female yelled as a large crash was heard. "You idiot! What did you do?!"

"Ahh, I'm sorry!" a boy yelped. "I was just trying to fix the stove!"

"_It. Wasn't. BROKEN!"_ Gaara rolled his eyes as he opened the door.

"Stupid Kankurou. Don't worry, Uzumaki, he may be a menace to all things mechanical, but he knows how to fix broken boards." They entered to a scene of chaos. Temari had Kankurou's pinned against the wall via fan.

Naruto paled, just what had he gotten himself into? Kankurou looked over at the open door hoping his savior had come to save him. _'Please let it be a hot girl! Or Kiba!'_ What he saw was far from relieving. His demonic brother came in with some blonde bishie, but no girl and no Kiba, darn…

"Ne, Kankurou, fix Naruto's board for him," Gaara requested, slipping his shoes off and gesturing for Naruto to do the same. Naruto obeyed then handed the middle Sabaku child his trashed skateboard. Kankurou muttered to himself as he looked it over; suddenly, he seemed to remember something, and he looked up, glaring at his little brother.

"What's in it for me?" Gaara smirked.

"I'll try to get Kiba to break up with his girlfriend."

"Deal."

"KIBA!" Naruto shouted, "How do you know Kiba? And what do you mean get him to break up?! Do you know how long Kiba belly ached about having to pick between Hinata and some dude named…Kankurou…oh, that was you…"

"Of course, he doesn't really need to pick," Kankurou grinned lecherously, "he could always bring her over for a threesome." Naruto and Gaara gagged.

"That's sick, Kankurou! Who'd wanna have a threesome with a _girl?!_" Gaara couldn't contain his disgust.

Naruto blinked, Gaara was gay? Hmm, well he could just be asexual…but it wasn't really any of his business, besides, Gaara was getting his board fixed and it wasn't like the jade-eyed teen liked _him_.

Gaara shot Naruto a glance out of the corner of his eyes. He didn't seem to be taking it badly, but you never know….

Kankurou snorted and walked out of the hallway and towards his bedroom, mentally making a list of what he would need to fix the blonde's board. The two hurried after him, Naruto chattering away after recovering from his brief moment of shock. The three stopped abruptly; Temari stood in their way, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

"_Where," _she hissed,"_do you think you are going, Sabaku no Kankurou?_" He eeped softly and vaguely gestured behind him to the pair who were following him. Gaara stood there, impassively listening to the blonde's idle chatter about everything and nothing. Temari looked taken aback.

"Gaara…who's this?" she asked, all ire forgotten. He shrugged a little.

"Uzumaki Naruto," he muttered, looking down and to one side. "Idiot trashed his board, so I told him Kankurou would fix it."

The she-blond was doing cartwheels on the inside. Her little Gaara was growing up! And more importantly he had a friend! A friend that didn't want to crawl into a corner and die after meeting his family! She smiled and moved to one side; if Gaara needed the puppet head idiot for his friend then so be it…but he was sooo paying for the stove!

Naruto grinned from ear to ear as he talked Gaara's ear off. He finally had a friend that didn't use him to meet girls or dress him up as one! Gaara was completely normal, by Naruto's standards at least. Not only that but he was getting his board fixed! Was today awesome or what?

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**A/N** So? How'd ya like it? 

GAH! No cookies!!!!!!!!! TT-TT But you know what? You can cheer me up from being blue, all you have to do is send us a REVIEW!


	2. Pudding Licks

DBCA - Kehehehehe I love Seran-torture, but she has a tendency to get revenge...so crap! She's hugging me!! Get it off!!!! She's evil laughing...this can't be good!! But, on a less..._scary_ note. Our new chapter contains 30 percent more gayness!!

Seran-I had her so freaked she couldn't even type...I'm proud to say she's the only person my sadistic side comes out for...So yeah! This chapter was written with copious amounts of ginger ale, cheeto puffs, and Animaniacs. _Be afraid. Be very afraid._

**When I Die, Cremate My Computer**

Disclaimer: Yo, yo ya'll! Tis disclaimer time for all! If we owned I'm sure you know, cause in a closet all the bishies would go!!

--------------------------------Enjoy!!!--------------------------------

Ibiki-sensei glowered at the class, the SmartBoard behind him covered with calculus formulas. He turned to the class, "So idiots do any of you have any idea what any of the things behind me are?"

No one moved to raise their hands. Well all except two. Two of the 'idiots' were busy chatting in the back seemingly oblivious to what was being said.

"So what makes you idiots think you don't have to pay attention to the lesson?!"

"Well, Ibiki-sensei," one of the arrogant boys drawled, "since we already know the material, we figured we'd talk about Einstein's Theory of Relativity." The redhead next to him sniggered as the rest of the class rolled their eyes, used to the antics of the two. Ibiki growled and turned his back on them, knowing that they really _did_ know the material. "Well? Does. Anyone. Know?!" One brave idiot in the front meekly raised his hand.

In the back, Sasuke and Gaara continued their conversation which, despite Sasuke's sarcastic words before, had nothing to do with science. Instead, it was about last weekend.

"You were there?" Gaara asked. "Wow…that's kinda…stalkerish." Sasuke glared lightly.

"I was visiting my cousin and his boyfriends!" Gaara seemed to perk up a little.

"Boy_friends_? As in, more than one?"

"Well, yeah," Sasuke seemed confused, "but…you don't seem to be bothered by it. Most people are; I like the change. So, why are you different?" Gaara flushed.

"None of your business," he mumbled, right as the bell rang. Face almost as red as his hair, he gathered his books, shoved them in his backpack along with his tattered, much used notebook, and rushed out of the room to his next class. Shocked, Sasuke slowly followed suit, wondering exactly what had caused the adorable boy to become so embarrassed.

---

Naruto sat down in his seat and smiled. First period had been _hell_. _'Effing gerunds, and effing participles! Stupid English!' _But it didn't matter now. Because now was _science_ and science was PIMP!! And it was kinda the only thing he was good at. He heard something happening and looked at the door. A red head, Gaara, and a raven were clamoring into the classroom.

Naruto broke into a grin and took a deep breath, "GAAAAAARAAAAA" Both teens looked at the source of the rather _loud_ noise. And of course seeing the cute little blonde, they forgot _all_ about everything else.

Gaara, relieved to get away from Sasuke, sat next to Naruto while Sasuke sat across from him.

"Uh…Gaara, who's he?" Naruto pointed at the raven, completely ignoring the boy in question. Smirking, the redhead answered, "Sas-_uke_, of course." Naruto howled with laughter as the Uchiha spluttered indignantly.

"I'm more of a seme than _you'll_ ever be!" he retorted. "I think the only person you could top is blondie there." Naruto's laughter ended abruptly as Gaara smirked evilly.

"Have you heard of the time where the Haruno girl and the Yamanaka girl forced Naruto into a dress?"

"I should never have told you that," Naruto sulked, blushing crimson. Sasuke eyed Naruto thoughtfully, a strange gleam entering his eyes. Naruto saw the look and blushed harder.

"Stupid Gaara! Why'd you have to tell him that!" Naruto's whining only drew the rest of the class's eyes toward him, "Umm…ya'll didn't just hear that…" Everyone turned away as the bell rang. They all went silent in anticipation for the teacher's arrival. No one came. When it seemed like they could calm down and talk a crash was heard. The door had been forced open; someone was late. Everyone turned to face the newcomer. It was none other than Kiba.

Naruto's smile found it's way back to his face, "KIIIIIIBAAAAAA"

Said mutt-boy turned toward the blonde, "Hey Naru-"

"Yo," a tall, silver-haired man entered the room through the door which now had a broken lock. "Maa, it looks like something happened to the door. Oh well," he shrugged and sat at his desk amidst incredulous stares from his students, "it'll get fixed soon." He took out his attendance sheet and looked over the names. Blanching at the work involved, he glanced up and caught Naruto's eye.

"Ah, good! Naruto, come take roll. I don't feel like it today." Grumbling, the blond trudged to the front of the class.

"Hey," Sasuke whispered, "why is Kakashi-sensei having Naruto take attendance?" Gaara shrugged.

"I'm not sure. He mentioned his father's boyfriend being a teacher here…maybe it's Kakashi-sensei?"

Naruto grumbled something about 'stupid lazy ass Kaka-teme corrupting my precious Iruka-sensei.' But he got up anyway.

"Sasuke, you're here, Gaara you're here. Kiba, late-" "HEY I-" "Everyone else, I _really_ don't care. Here you go Kaka-teme." Naruto shoved the roll call sheet back to Kakashi, "And next time do your own role call!"

"But if I get too tired during the day, I can't make my dolphin happy tonight, now can I?" Kakashi grinned. Naruto wrinkled his nose in disgust and sat down.

"Alright, scientist wannabes, we're doin' a lab today. Pick your own partners, groups of four. Instruction packets are on the front table, along with all the things you'll need. Hop to it!" With that, the teacher took out his infamous orange book and leaned back in his chair to read.

Fifteen minutes had passed in relative quiet, when a soft "Oh shit," came from the table that Kiba, Naruto, Gaara, and Sasuke were gathered around. A cloud of smoke erupted from the beaker and a sticky solid plugged up the opening. The container started to shake and combusted. Glass spewed everywhere and a blue liquid erupted and coated the table.

"KIIIIIIIIIBAAAAAAAAAA what the hell did you DOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

The class cringed. Naruto definitely had a temper, especially when someone screwed up his experiment. Kiba tried fruitlessly to defend himself, but in the end got a lecture about how just because blue and red made purple didn't mean they made a stable compound. Meanwhile Gaara and Sasuke looked at the scene with smirks. Who knew the idiotic blonde was actually good at something.

Kakashi gave a weary sigh as he watched. "Naruto, why don't you just teach the class?" he asked, looking over the top of his book. Gaara paled in horror.

"No, Kakashi-sensei! Don't let him teach!" Kiba sniggered at the redhead's words and expression, wiping off the soot on his face and hands.

Someone in the back of the class shouted, "Ne, Kakashi-sensei, if Uzumaki was our teacher, would we have any homework?"

Naruto laughed then turned serious, "Of course."

The kid whimpered, "Yeah homework of course…"

Everyone snickered. Stupid kid actually thought _Naruto _would let them get away with no homework. Sasuke and Gaara just looked confused. Did everyone know something they didn't?

"Jeez, you guys don't pay too much attention in science, do you?" Kiba asked, only paying a little attention to Naruto begging Kakashi to let him teach. "Naruto's a freak about science; it's pretty much the only subject he's really good at."

"I'M GOOD AT MATH, JERK!" Naruto yelled. Kiba waved him off distractedly.

"So, whenever something bad happens in science, he's always the one to fix it. Kakashi-sensei is his dad's boyfriend, so Naruto pretty much has free reign. You've never noticed?"

"N-no," Sasuke muttered. "I hate science, so I never pay that much attention…I normally just read the whole period."

"I've noticed the noise…" Gaara blushed, "but never the source. Not 'til this weekend."

"Yeah, Naruto told me _all_ about you," the brunet smirked. "About how you're his knight in shining armour, and you saved his life, and had your brother fix his precious skateboard, and-"

"Dammit fucking Kiba shut the hell up!!!" Naruto's face was a deep red, "I sooo did not say _any_ of that…well except for the saving and the board BUT other than that-"

"They way you said it _implied_-"

"I don't care if I _implied_ I was _gay,_" Two people perked up. "I'm not."

Kiba pouted, "You're no fun." Sasuke looked sad, and a surprisingly understanding Gaara patted his arm consolingly.

"It's alright, Sas-_uke,_" Gaara stage whispered, "we're sure to bring him out of his denial eventually…" The bell rang right as a crimson Naruto was about to lay into his new friend. Laughing, Gaara and Sasuke ran out of the room, chased closely by the blonde. Kiba shook his head and Kakashi snorted before returning to his book.

Thankfully, Naruto's next class was devoid of Gaara and Sasuke. Because of how fast he had gotten to class, he was the second one there. The other boy, someone who Naruto had noticed once or twice but never actually met, looked over at him and flushed slightly as his lavender eyes widened in recognition.

Neji gave the blonde a lingering glance before turning around. _'He's in my class. OMG he's in my class! Why the hell didn't I notice that uke on legs was in my class?!'_ A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. It was the blonde.

"Ne, ne you've been in my class but I never bothered to know you so what's your name."

Neji hyperventilated on the inside, _'Snap he's talking to me!' _"Neji, Hyuuga Neji."

Naruto's face brightened, "Nice to meet you Neji! I'm Naruto!" He held his hand out.

The brunet shook the out held hand. _'I'm touching him. I'm touching him.'_

The bell rang and Naruto took the seat next to Neji. The teacher walked in a cigarette hanging from his lips. "Hey brats ready to try and fail to learn something that won't really help you in the long run." The class just blinked.

"Umm," said someone in the back, "Asuma-sensei, aren't you supposed to say this is important?"

Asuma gave him a lazy glance, "You want me to _lie_."

Everyone sighed. They really never learned anything in this class. Asuma wrote something on the board then sat in his chair, "Do it. Turn it in whenever…"

People ignored it and talked. Naruto turned to Neji, "So Neji what did you do over the weekend?"

Neji gulped, "Well I went over to my friend's cousin's house. It's over on Ahonok River Lane."

Naruto's eye's widened, "Oh my gosh! I'm on Whirlpool corner. It's just a couple street's down!" The two talked up until the bell.

"So," Naruto asked, "Whada ya have next?"

"Art"

Naruto pouted. "Man I have P.E. But," He smiled, "I'll see you 7th!" With that he dashed down the hall.

Neji grinned inwardly. Not only had he talked to the cute little blonde, but he knew where he lived. _'Sasuke will be sooo jealous when I tell him.' _So with that in mind he hurried off toward art.

Sasuke settled into his seat, giving Deidara-sensei a small smile.

"Sasu-chan! How's your day been?" Deidara asked, sitting on the boy's desk, barely sparing a glance to the emo Sasuke-look-alike that walked in.

"It's been pretty good, Deidara…um…"

"What?"

"Sasori is glaring at you," the raven pointed towards the door that connected the second art room to the first.

The blonde went over to said glaring red head. The red head pulled the blonde closer, "Blow anything up and your not getting any for a month." The blonde whimpered and went back to his class room. Sasuke smirked Sasori sure knew how to handle his ukes.

"Hey, Neji," he called as the brunet walked in and sat down. "It's amazing. Naruto is an adorable teacher!"

"What?"

"He's an adorable teacher. I wish you were in our science; it was hilarious." Sai looked over from his latest piece of art.

"Naruto is dickless…he'd fail as a teacher." Neji and Sasuke bristled in indignation.

"Who are you?" Sasuke growled. Sai smiled blandly.

"I'm his stalker, didn't you know?"

"WTF!" shouted Neji, "You can't stalk him only we can!" Deidara snickered, as did the rest of the class.

'_Damn…when did the bell ring?'_ Sasuke wondered, blushing faintly at the stares. "Don't mind us, go back to your knitting, people!"

"Well, I'm sure we would, Sasuke-kun," Ino said dryly, "except that we're _not knitting!_"

"Ne, Neji, Sasuke, listen to Deidara already," Sasori snapped, his harsh tone made false by the fond look in his eyes. Pouting, they obeyed.

Neji pulled out a blank sheet of paper and listened to what they had to sketch. A bush. The class went to work. Sai's turned out to look like a well…you know. Sasuke's had banana's on it. Neji's was purple. Deidara shook his head in shame. "Why can't any of you explode paper!? Why!?!?!" The teen's just looked on with pity as their teacher cried on the ground. Sasori walked over and picked him up.

"Exploding things is _bad_, Deidara," he said sternly. "We've been over this."

"B-but…" he pouted up at his redheaded seme. "Art is a blast!" Sasori comforted him with a short kiss, causing all the girls in the class to squeal loudly. Blushing, Deidara went back to teaching and Sasori disappeared into his office.

Tearing out a sheet of paper, Sasuke scribbled something and passed it to Neji. Picking it up, Neji read it and snorted.

'_I have science with Gaara and Naruto both. Lucky, aren't I?'_

Neji scribbled a reply and tossed it back. Sasuke opened it and raised and eyebrow.

'_I have JLA with him. And I know where he lives.'_

'_Damn…nobody loves you…'_

'_I hate you go die.' _Sasuke scowled.

'_I'm coming over to your house after school.'_

'_Yeah ok. But hows about you and me make good on our 'stalking' promise.'_

'_Score. Definitely! Hehe…stalk Gaara too?'_

'_Yeah apparently he lives just a street down from Naruto' _Neji smirked and added_ 'Naruto told me where Gaara live too.'_

'_Fine, be that way!'_ Sasuke tossed the note back and turned to Sai.

"So…you say you stalk Naruto…"

Sai grinned, "Why yes! I love watching my innocent uke undress in the moonlight."

"_What?!_ You have no right to watch _our_ Naruto undress!" Sasuke hissed. "Never do it again!"

"Hmm… I saw him first. I have all the right to perv on him."

"Not if we claim him first," Sasuke smirked as the bell rang. Sai gave him an unreadable look as he and the brunet left. Neji and Sasuke made their way toward the lunchroom. They were almost there when the sounds of terror reached their ears. People were panicking and screaming. Total chaos reigned in the room of eating. The cause was the fight of food between the sides of the cafeteria. Neji and Sasuke blinked at the carnage. But, what really caught their eye was the mischievous blonde in the middle of it all.

"Hey," someone grumbled beside them, "Stupid blonde _had_ to go start a fucking food fight."

They turned face to face with a pissed off, food coated Gaara.

"So…we gonna get 'im outta der?"

They both looked at Neji. What was _with_ his grammar?

Gaara huffed, "Yeah sure. Nothing better to do anyway. Lunch people shut down the lines in fear."

"But…I'm hungry…" Sasuke whined, grinning evilly. "But I'm sure they'll open again once we get it mostly calmed down…"

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to do. But first, let's get Naruto out of there," Gaara smirked, leaping back into the fray. Sasuke and Neji followed more slowly, hesitant to get who-knows-what on their clothes. Or even worse…_in their hair_. Naruto saw the trio making their way towards him and waved, grinning cheerfully and dumping Jell-O on someone. Naruto jumped off his throne of tables and ran over to his friends. "Hey all! You guys having any fun?"

They glared at him. "Err…umm…" he reached behind him, "Want some pudding?"

Sasuke took it and promptly dumped it on Gaara's head. Some dripped down the glaring redhead's cheeks, so, with a lecherous grin, he leaned down and licked a bit off. Gaara blushed but didn't pull away, causing Neji to squeal softly at the cuteness. Naruto, who, by now, was the only person in the cafeteria who was completely clean, "awww"ed softly. He decided to drag them out of the mess so they didn't get _as_ junked up. Once they were out of the fray he turned around, "Ne, Gaara, Sasuke are you…you know…dating?" The two boys traded glances.

"I'm…not exactly _adverse_ to the idea," Sasuke said carefully, eyeing the redhead. Gaara shrugged.

"We're not dating…yet…" he mumbled. Naruto clapped his hands once.

"You two would be so cute together!" he squealed.

Neji raised his inner eyebrow, _'And he says he's not gay…'_ "So Gaara what exactly was your brilliant plan to 'calm' things down?"

The red head grinned, "Wait for it…"

A new chorus of shrieks resounded throughout the school and wet kids ran for their lives. Gaara smirked see. Neji peered into the lunchroom once everyone had cleared out. The sprinklers were spraying water everywhere. Luckily the lunch ladies reopened the lunch lines to flee from the wet chaos.

"Well Sasuke you can eat now."

"Finally!...but…I need a shower…"

* * *

A/N-Umm Seran's freaking out due to a...clown...it's sad I know...So I shall conclude this note. Well I hope you liked it since...well I liked it sooo... 

To show us that you liked it too, just click the botton and REVIEW!!

CLOWNS ARE SCARY GO DIE!!!!!!!


	3. Mall Rides

DBCA-Yo! I bring you crack-cakes...What we ran out?! Darn, I guess all you get is this fic. But hey that's okay right? I knew y'all'd understand. And so Disclaimer!

Disclaimer- I own Naruto! Not really...that's just what helps me sleep at night...

--Enjoy!--

Temari was confused. Just a few days ago, Gaara had come home, face red and smelling like pudding. Now, he refused to talk about it. _'Maybe it has something to do with his little blonde friend?'_ But when Naruto came over yesterday, they were acting perfectly normal...

Kankurou was amused. Gaara came home _all _red which can only mean one thing. He got laid. Err...well Gaara being Gaara he probably just got a kiss or something like that...Ooooo Maybe he got himself a boyfriend!! And maybe if it's that little blonde kid we can share!! _If_ Gaara shares...which I doubt greatly. But, maybe it's someone completely different since when blondie came over they didn't start making out of anything...oh well. Time to go fix the toaster!!

Gaara was embarrassed. _Sasuke_ had _licked_ him! WTF! But it wasn't too bad...NO! Bad thoughts! _'Anyways, before me and Sasuke get together, we need to convince Naruto that he's as gay as we are...and that won't be easy. Unless, of course, we tie him up and molest him, but that'd probably make him mad at us.'_ Still, the molesting thought wasn't too bad...he'd have to see if Sasuke and Neji would want to help him...Shrugging, Gaara grabbed his board and headed out. Maybe he'd get lucky and run into one of his new friends.

Sasori was horny. But that's beside the point.

--

Neji had been _completely _minding his own business when out of nowhere Sasuke bursts through his door going, "OMG I did...Neji did you!! But I...It's just he...and you! And _him_ and well _us_!!" And now he had a headache. He had promptly told Sasuke to 'Shut up go die,' but he just _wouldn't stop_. And now he was being dragged, yet again, to the 'House of Terrors' as he liked to call it. _'God, if you exist smite me...please.'_ He saw a red head and a blonde come into view. _'That works too.'_

"Gaara! Naruto!" Sasuke waved. "Come with us! You get to meet my cousin and his boyfriends!" And thus, the two ukes were dragged to the 'House of Terrors'.

"SASORI! TOBI! DEIDARA!" the raven shouted as all four took their shoes off. "Where are ya?!" A muffled thump and muttered curses came from the bedroom.

"Sasuke, I'd kill you if Sasori-senpai let me!" Tobi shouted.

'_Sasori...? That's...no, it can't be...'_ Gaara wondered. A few minutes later, three shirtless men stumbled into the room, only to stop short at the sight of Gaara and Naruto. Except for one.

Sasori gave a short shout and leaped forward to grab Gaara in a hug.

"Sasuke! You never told me you knew my little cousin!" Sasori sent the raven an accusing look as he smothered the smaller redhead.

"Sa...sor...i! Can't...breathe!" Gaara choked out. Alarmed, Sasori dropped him. "Poor Gaara I was choking you!! I didn't mean to!"

Gaara took a few steps backwards. _'So it was him...'_

Naruto tilted his head. Gaara knew this Sasori person? Wasn't he one of the art teacher along with the blonde person? And that dude who looks like Sasuke is probably his cousin. _'It seems fun here...'_

Neji sighed. Gaara and Sasori were cousins. It figures, coming here had started to get,_ god forbid,_ normal. So, of course, something crazy like this had to happen. At least nothing too bad happened like Naruto having a brother that's dating Sasuke's or something inane like that.

"Ne, Sasuke, your last name is Uchiha, right?" Naruto asked. Sasuke gave him a _look_ and nodded. "Do you have a brother named Itachi?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, well, my big brother, Kyuubi, has been talking about his boyfriend a lot lately, and he says his name is Itachi...I was just wonderin'..."

"Oh, Kyuubi is your brother? You're lucky they don't do anything at your house...he screams loud!"

Neji cried anime tears. _'God why do you hate me?!'_

Deidara blinked at the poor brunet crying on the floor, picked up a stick laying on the table, and poked him.

"So, why did you guys come?" Tobi asked, pushing Sasori onto the couch and sitting on his lap. "We were busy, ya know?"

Neji, who had by this time gotten up, blushed at what 'busy' was.

Sasuke stepped forward, "Weeeeell I actually wanted to ask you…"

Gaara slapped his hand over Sasuke's mouth, shooting a look at Naruto. Catching the wary glance, Deidara jumped up.

"C'mon, Naru-chan! I wanna show you my art! And maybe make a sculpture of you, too!!" He dragged the poor blonde away.

"I'll have to thank him later," Sasuke commented. "As I was saying before Gaara and Deidara saved us from getting skinned by an angry blonde uke, we wanted to ask you to help us prove to Naruto that he's gay…and once we get him out of his denial, we need help to get us together."

"'Us' as in…?" Tobi asked.

"Me, Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara," Neji said, his blush still not fading. Sasori snorted.

"A match made in heaven," he said dryly. "Apparently it's fate for Uchihas, Sabakus, and Uzumakis to get together."

An explosion was heard from the other room. Sasori twitched, "Speaking of Uzumakis hopefully Dei didn't just kill yours." The teen's eyes widened and they rushed toward the source of the boom. A maniacally grinning Deidara stood in a carpetless room with a pale and shivering Naruto clinging to his back, staring wide-eyed at the fresh soot marks on the walls and ceiling.

"Awesome, ne?! Art is a blast!"

Naruto blinked a couple times, "T-that was…SO COOL!!" He jumped over to the shocked teens, "Ne, ne Sasu, Neji, Gaa-chan! Can we blow more stuff up soon!! It was sooo awesome!! It went all 'boom' 'crash' 'explode!!'"

The others sweatdropped. _'He's turning into another Deidara…'_

"I'd be happy to show you more!" Deidara squealed. "Shoo, guys!" He waved them away. "Those who don't appreciate art don't get to see it!" Shaking their heads, they retreated, making sure to close the door behind them.

"So, you three really want to date him?" Sasori asked. They nodded. "All right. First, we need to plan out how your relationship will go-"

"So, who's the main uke?" Tobi interrupted.

"Naruto, of course," Gaara snorted.

"Then Gaa-chan, he's next," Sasuke grinned.

Gaara glared, "Followed by Sas-uke."

Neji smirked, "Which means I'm ultimate seme." They both rolled their eyes and muttered, "That's called irony girly-boy."

"Alright, alright, we get the picture!" Tobi laughed. "Okay, and Naruto is in denial?"

"Pure closet-case," Sasuke nodded.

"Well, then, you could always tie him up and molest him!"

"NO."

"Thought of that already. We figured it'd just piss him off."

"It _would _be fun, though…"

"_NEJI!!_" Sasuke and Gaara yelped.

"Whaaaaat," he whined, "It _would_!"

They sighed but agreed, "Anyway what are we going to do. I mean we can't lock him in a room with nothing but a TV with yaoi anime playing and hope he gets the hint! He's not that smart!!"

Sasori wrapped his arms around Tobi and nuzzled his neck. "How about the three of you get together first, then start trying to prove to him just how…nice it is being gay."

"And how would we do that, Sasori?" Gaara asked skeptically. Tobi gave him an evil look.

"This is how." Then he turned his head and promptly started making out with Sasori. Gaara blushed, while Neji and Sasuke, who were too used to it to be affected, merely slapped the two on the backs of their heads.

"So, we just start kissing in front of him and hope he gets jealous?" Sasuke asked.

"Or you could do more than kiss…that's how Deidara and Sasori-senpai got me to go out with them."

"What?" Gaara asked. "What did they do?"

"Let's just say…Deidara is somewhat of an exhibitionist…"

"Ewww…Dei-chan is kinda…I mean, I knew he liked attention, but…" Sasuke was at a loss for words.

A blonde popped up, "I hear people talking about me!" he glared at them, "It had _better_ not me anything bad. But, ya'll wouldn't do that," he smiled evilly, "_right._"

"Y-yeah right…"

"Good! Now look at what I did!" Everyone took a couple steps back. "You can come in now Naru-chan!!"

The other blonde walked in hesitantly. His hair was wetted down making it touch his shoulders. His sparkling blue eyes were rimed with black eyeliner. Gone was his green and purple striped shirt and his black baggy pants. Instead, he was wearing tight leather pants and a pale blue long-sleeved shirt made of what looked suspiciously like silk. He was blushing faintly, and as he looked up at the other three teenagers, only one thought ran through their heads.

'_So…CUTE!'_

'_He's adorable!_

'_I want to molest him…'_ Neji is a special case. They all meant the same thing, though…uh huh, yeah…

"G-guys I-I know I look funny b-but you don't have to look at me all weird like…"

Neji opened his mouth to talk, but words just wouldn't come out. He took some deep breaths, "It's not that you look funny you're quite, umm…"

"Cute?"

"Irresistible?"

"Immensely molestable?"

"All of the above?" Naruto flushed crimson at their words.

"Jeez, you guys are acting like you have a crush on me or something'…" the blonde looked confused when Tobi and Deidara started choking with suppressed laughter. "I don't get it. What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, they're just idiots," Sasori soothed, barely suppressing a smirk.

Naruto relaxed at his words, "Okey day then! Soooo what's we gonna do now?"

Neji looked at Sasuke, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Sasuke looked confused, "Yeah but do you think they'd let us cover them with whipped cream?"

Neji smacked him, "You idiot! I meant go to the mall!"

"Oh…"

Gaara looked at them, "You know I liked Sasuke's idea better…"

Smack.

Naruto jumped up and down, "Yeah! The mall!! Kyuu's working today so we can get discounts!!"

Gaara pointed at the hyper blonde. "He smacked me." Sasuke patted him on the head. "We know, we saw. It's okay."

"So, you're going to the mall?" Deidara asked. "I wanna go! And Baka-chan can come with, too! And Sasori-danna!"

"Um…well, Dei-chan, I have a better idea, and I think Sasori-senpai agrees," Tobi pointed out. Deidara looked over, confused.

"Sasuke…Gaara…Neji…Naruto…leave _now_," Sasori ground out, stalking closer to the bomb maker. Deidara squeaked and the teenagers ran out of the house, grabbing their shoes on the way. "So how are we going to get there-"

"Honk, Honk Yo, little bro."

Sasuke looked over at his brother. _'The hell is he doing here?'_

"So you guys need a ride or what?"

Naruto leaped into the car, "Hai, hai, Ita-nii!! Drive us to the wondrous shopping facility that is known as the mall!!"

Itachi blinked, "Couldn't you just say 'Take us to the mall'?"

Naruto gave him a look, "Couldn't you have just honked the horn instead of saying 'honk, honk'?"

The other three teens looked at them as they got in the car with only one thought,_ 'Freaky…'_

"So, Aniki, why were you here in the first place?" Sasuke asked.

"Would you believe me if I said I was stalking you and your friends?"

"No."

"I wanted to talk to Tobi, actually…it's been a while."

"Don't go in there any time soon!" Sasuke's eyes were wide. "We interrupted them…"

"Nice," Itachi made a disgusted face. "I didn't need to think about my cousin having sex. Thanks, little brother…"

"My cousin, too," Gaara mumbled.

Naruto blinked, "How do two err…three guys have sex?"

Neji leered. "Want a demonstration?" he asked, wrapping an arm around the blonde's shoulders.

"NO!"

"Awww…" Neji pulled away, pouting. Sasuke sniggered.

"Well, Naruto, it's very simple. Insert the plugs into the outlets."

"Isn't that for electricity?"

They sighed, "Insert tab A into slot B"

"Oooo I did that one time when was making a model airplane…"

They started hitting themselves in the head. Finally, Gaara leaned over and whispered something in his ear.

Naruto's face turned crimson. "THAT'S SICK! OMG ITA-NII DO YOU DO _THAT_ TO MY POOR BROTHER!!"

"Yes. He likes it."

"He…likes it?" Naruto faltered. "But…it's yucky…and it sounds painful…"

"On the contrary, Naru-chan," Sasuke purred, "it's not yucky at all. And it feels good."

"It still sounds painful. I'm glad I'm not gay." _'Hmm I wonder what it does feel like…well whatever.'_

"But wouldn't you like to actually know what it feels like sometime, Naru-chan?" Gaara asked. "After all, you shouldn't knock it 'til you've tried it!"

"Well actual- Why are you calling me 'Naru-chan'? I'm a _guy_." Itachi snorted.

"Yeah, but you're a total uke, Naruto. They have an excuse."

"What's an uke?" Gaara rolled his eyes and whispered in his ear again. "Ooooh…wait…Ita-nii, does that mean that Kyuu is an uke? He's always walkin' funny after coming home from dates…" Itachi smirked.

"Kyuu-chan is _definitely_ my uke. And, as I said before, he likes it. Especially when I tie him to the bed and fuc-"

"OKAY THERE ANIKI WAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

Naruto tilted his head, "Why? What was he going to say?"

"Well I was-"

"Hey look the mall! Gotta go!"

* * *

A/N- 'Ello all so 'ow did you like it, well I most certainly hope it was widely enjoyed. And to put you at ease the next chapter will be up with godsped! Pip-pip-cheeri-o and all that!

You read so now all you have to do is Review! See easy isn't it?!


	4. PIMPco Kisses

DBCA- Yo! Well it's us again. And even though this chapter is short, it's filled to the brim with all the good stuff that keeps ya'll coming back!

Seran- So short...it makes Neji!tears fall down my face. But _whee_!! The gayness of it all! Oh, and OOH LOOKIE!! DBCA's gonna _die_ fer tryin' ta steal mah teddy bear!!

ENJOY!

Neji promptly jumped with Naruto out of the still moving car. They landed with a perfect score of 10. Gaara and Sasuke applauded, and Neji glared.

"Get out of the car already!"

They looked at him like he was crazy, "Out of a moving car?!"

Neji gave them a look, and they counted to three. Jump! They touched ground and instantly praised it for existing vowing never to do that again.

Neji glared at them again, "The car was going 5 MPH at the most. You guys suck." Itachi rolled his eyes and drove off, likely going to find Kyuubi. Gaara grabbed Naruto's and Sasuke's hands and dragged them towards the doors, Neji following closely behind. A cool burst of air made Naruto shiver.

"Aww, want something to warm you up?" Sasuke asked. The blonde nodded, so, tugging his hand free from Gaara's, Sasuke pulled the blonde into a hug.

Naruto 'eeped but snuggled into Sasuke's warmth. Neji quietly seethed. _'Grrrrs my little uke… Ohhh Idea!'_

Neji slid his hand into Gaara's. Gaara looked over, "Cute aren't they?" Neji just smiled.

"Guys I don't think the point of going to the mall is to stand around."

Everyone looked at the blonde as he grabbed Sasuke's hand and ran off leaving Neji and Gaara to follow. They followed him halfway around the mall before finding that they had just come in a big circle.

"NARUTO!!" The blonde giggled and finally ducked into Hot Topic, where he and Gaara were completely in their element. Striking up a conversation with the clerk, Naruto starting asking about the newest skating shoes as Gaara browsed the make-up and clothes. Neji and Sasuke traded looks.

"Neji?" the Uchiha whispered, tugging the brunet's sleeve in an uncharacteristic moment of weakness. "This store is kinda…"

"Yeah," Neji agreed, giving someone who had just walked in an odd look. _Surely_ it wasn't possible to have that many piercings…? Gaara looked up at them suddenly.

"Neji! Sasuke! C'mere!" Obeying, they crept over and stared incredulously at what the redhead was holding. He grinned evilly. "For Naruto. How about it?" The two boys barely thought about it before matching grins stole across their faces, and Sasuke went to buy it while Naruto was distracted. Neji and Gaara went over to see what kind of punk/skater wear Naruto was drooling over. Gaara saw and fell in love as well. Neji just looked confused.

"What's so great about a pair of shoes?"

He earned glares from the two, "Shoes? Shoes?! They're not _just_ shoes! They're the best in the _world_!!" Neji backed away and the skaters continued their verbal assault, "Not only do they have amazing traction, but they have reflectors! Do you realize what that means?!" Neji shook his head, "Umm…no-" "IT MEANS NIGHT SKATING, BAKA!!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and subtly hid the bag holding _it_ behind his back. It…didn't work. Naruto tried to grab it, shouting "Sasuke's hiding somethin'!! I wanna see!" Gaara promptly poked him in the side, delighting in the squeal that followed.

"Ne, baka, are you going to buy the shoes or not? I know I will!" The blonde whirled and grabbed a pair, bouncing over to the traumatized clerk to pay. The redhead followed suit, just with less bouncing. Finally, they left the poor clerk alone and all four wandered back out.

"It's our turn to pick a store now," Sasuke said, holding Naruto's hand and pulling him to Hollister. Gaara, seeing where they were going, tried to make an abrupt about-face and go back to Hot Topic, but found himself wrapped in Neji's arms and being forced to walk backwards into the evil prep store of DOOM.

Naruto looked back at the crying Gaara and then towards their destination. Hollister. They were going into _Hollister_. Naruto needed to stop them and fast. Well here goes nothing.

He slung his arms around Sasuke's waist. His fingers slipped under his shirt and he laid his head on the raven's shoulder.

"Ne, Suuuuuuke, Pretty pwease don't make me go there." Naruto pouted and looked him in the eye.

Sasuke trembled. _His fingers…are under my shirt…_With an enormous effort, he tore his eyes away and looked at Neji, who had his hands full with Gaara, who had anime tears flowing down his face like a waterfall. Ebony and lavender met in agreement and they nodded.

"Sorry, Naru-chan," Sasuke cooed, brushing his lips along the blonde's ear. "We went to your store, now you're going to ours." Gaara struggled weakly against Neji, but as they got closer to _the evil place_, his strength fled. A quick glance at Naruto showed him that the same thing was happening to the other skater. The redhead had one last idea.

"Neji-sama…" he whispered, looking coyly up at the brunet. "I don't feel so good. Can Naru-chan take me over to a bench so I can sit?" He gradually let himself fall limp in Neji's arms, resting his head on the taller boy's chest and purring softly.

Neji looked torn but then a seed of evil planted itself. He smirked at the redhead.

"Well, Gaara-chan, if you _really_ feel so faint _I'll_ carry you."

Gaara's eye's widened, but before he could protest, Neji had him in his arms, "Don't worry the happy Hollister shirts will make you feel better!" Gaara and Naruto traded pain-filled looks.

"I'm sorry! I tried!" Gaara cried to the blonde, earning a snort from his captor.

"Hello, welcome to Hollis-SASUKE-KUN!! NEJI-KUN!!" A slender girl with her dark hair up in two buns squealed as she finished hanging something up on a rack. The two boys halted, shocked. Naruto and Gaara tried to take advantage of their distraction and escape, but their grips tightened.

"Don't leave me with _Tenten_!" Sasuke hissed in the blonde's ear. The girl pouted when she saw the two smaller boys in her crushes' arms.

"What are you doing with _them_?" she asked. "They don't look like they wanna be here, anyways! Just ditch'em." There was a drastic turnaround in the atmosphere as Naruto and Gaara slowly turned towards her, faces set in identical chilly glares.

Naruto laced his fingers with Sasuke and Neji, Gaara to Neji's other side, "Actually we'd love to stay awhile, right Gaara?"

Gaara smirked, "of course" They dragged their semes off to browse through the racks of clothing, purposely talking loudly enough for the Hollister employee/preppy girl who stalks Sasuke and Neji to hear.

"Ne, Suke, how do you like this shirt?"

"Ah, Neji, I feel kinda faint again…will you carry me?"

"Neeejiiii, try this on!"

"Sas-uke, you haven't forgotten the pudding incident, have you?"

"Suke! Suke! I want chocolate pudding, too!"

"Later, Naru-chan!" Tenten was slowly getting angrier and more jealous. Finally, when Gaara dragged first Sasuke, then Neji down for a kiss on the cheek, she snapped.

"How dare you sully Sasuke-kun and Neji-kun!" she shouted, drawing the attention of Sakura and Ino, who had been shopping on the other side of the store and were making their way over to buy the clothes they found.

"_Sasuke-kun?!_" they shrieked, dropping their bags and dashing over, only to be stopped short by Sasuke taking Gaara's hand and looking seriously down at him, as though the redhead was the only thing on his mind.

"Gaara," he started, an almost invisible smirk on his lips as his eyes flickered once to the fangirls. "Will you be my boyfriend?" Naruto squealed and Gaara stood on his tiptoes to press a kiss to the corner of the raven's mouth before stage-whispering "Yes." Of course, to the girls watching, it looked like an actual kiss. They fainted, and the four boys made their escape.

They didn't look back until they reached PIMPco. Naruto looked at the sign and jumped, "OMGOMGOMG y'all _have_ to come in here!!"

Neji gave him a glance, "But you already picked Hot Topic. So I…should…pick…the…next…" It was too late. Neji had already looked Naruto in the eyes, "But, Neeeeejiiiii I _reeeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy_ want to go iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!"

Neji sighed, "Alright…"

The group walked through the ominous black doors. Once inside they were assaulted by loud rock music and the smell of leather. Everyone gave Naruto a queer look.

"Why do you know about this store?"

Naruto grinned, "Well Kaka-sensei told me about it! He said something about 'BDSM' but I don't know what that means, Besides people are really nice to me here!"

The three facefaulted and proceeded to glare at everyone in a 2 yard radius. Everyone backed off of the blonde, all but one very brave, or very stupid soul.

"Naru-chan!! You came back! I missed you so much!"

They looked at the bluenette. Naruto glomped him, "Suigetsu!!"

Suigetsu wrapped his arms around the clinging Naruto, "Awww Naru-chan! You're soooo cute! So, how about you and me go _hang out_ in the back if ya know what I mean."

"Okay, but can I bring my friends?"

Suigetsu looked at them then Naruto, "I have a better idea." He leaned down and gave Naruto a peck on the lips, and promptly ran away. Of course with out Suigetsu holding him up Naruto promptly fainted.

"Naru-chan!" Sasuke lunged for the blonde as Gaara glared after the bluenette. Neji grabbed the redhead's wrist to keep him from chasing Suigetsu.

"Naru-chan? You okay?" Gaara asked as Naruto's eyes started to flutter open.

"T-that was my first kiss…" The redhead strained to hold back both Neji and Sasuke as they tried to go after the bluenette.

"Guys wouldn't it be smarter to _clean_ poor little Naru's lips. I mean he did get a kiss from a very icky _thing_."

The two grinned, "Yes we should cleanse out Naru of that horrible taste."

"That's not really necessary…"

It was too late. They were already moving in.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

A/N- Hey yo! Now be good and review. And hey if we're nice we'll get back to you!


	5. LANGSTON

DBCA- I apologize in advance for this chapter...well my part at least...don't worry you'll see...later...so read...or not...I don't really care...well I do but-

Skitz- SHUT UP!! OMFG!! GAH!! Stupid...oh wells other person talk so DBCA cease to.

Seran- I'm so sorry T.T I tried to stop her xP You'll understand when you get to her part. But at least you have pure smex to make it all better!!

Disclaimer: We own socks.

-S-T-O-R-Y-S-T-A-R-T-

Sasuke lay curled on Neji's bed with Gaara, one hand slipped under the redhead's shirt to stroke his back. They periodically exchanged soft, small kisses in between their conversation with the lavender-eyed teen.

Neji stroked the sleeping blonde's hair, "So, you think he knows we like him yet?" Gaara made a sleepy noise of negation.

"Nah…he's Naruto. Silly uke, he's completely oblivious."

"Well, _yeah,_" Sasuke murmured. "But, I mean, _really._ We all kissed him after that _incident_. We used our tongues, for pity's sake. How could he not know?"

Naruto turned away in his sleep as if protesting the comments. Neji smiled and turned the blonde back around. "Well, maybe we just need to be more…_forward_ in our advances…" Gaara giggled, making the two other boys stare at him.

"Gaara, that's…kinda…scary," Sasuke said slowly. Gaara smirked until Neji poked him; the redhead yelped, making Naruto stir for a moment. They held their breaths until he calmed, not wanting to wake him further. Neji went back to petting him only to have Naruto grab one of his fingers and stick it in his mouth. He looked down at the blonde, a blush blooming on his face.

"Uhhhh…Guys…" Gaara snickered, but Sasuke just stared jealously.

"Heh, what's the matter, Sasu-chan? Jealous?" Gaara laughed. "Do you wish _your_ finger was in Naru-chan's mouth, surrounded by his soft, pink lips, being licked by his hot, _sweet_ tongue? Or would you rather something _else_ be in his mouth?" At each word, Sasuke's blush grew until the color of his face rivaled that of Naruto's when they had kissed him earlier.

"You know what?! You know _what?!_ ….Shut up…"

Neji cooed at Sasuke, "Awww poor _Suke_, so abuse-ed would a kiss make it all better?" Without moving his finger, Neji pulled Sasuke into a kiss. He moaned quietly, feeling Gaara sit up and start nibbling on his neck. The brunet pulled away, keeping his face close.

"Should we really be doing this here?" Sasuke whispered, eyes flickering to the blonde sleeping peacefully on the bed next to the one they were on.

"Yesss…" Neji hissed, moving to mark the other side of the pale neck.

"Just be quiet, Suke," Gaara muttered, sliding his hands around Sasuke's slender waist to explore his chest. He pinched a nipple experimentally, delighting in the sharp gasp it produced. His fingers continued to torment the hardened nub, making the boy mewl and writhe.

Satisfied with the mark on Sasuke's neck, Neji licked his way down his chest, sucking on the other nipple briefly to make the raven arch his back, then going further down to dip his tongue into the boy's navel.

"Ah…_N-Neji!_" The brunet hooked his fingers into the waistbands of Sasuke's pajama pants and boxers and tugged them both down sharply in one motion. He whimpered at the feeling of cool air on his arousal, then brought a fist to his mouth to stifle his cry as Gaara moved down suddenly to engulf him in his mouth. His eyes fluttered shut, making him miss the sight of Neji unbuttoning Gaara's pajama shirt and sliding it off his shoulders. However, they jerked open again when the redhead moaned, sending vibrations through his member and causing a strangled sound to fight it's way out of his throat.

Neji had one hand on the redhead's chest and the other buried in his pants, obviously stroking him softly. He moaned again and Sasuke tossed his head to the side, drowning in the pleasure.

"Gaara, sit up and strip," Neji ordered quietly, pulling back. Whimpering, he obeyed, quickly shedding his pajamas and looking to the brunet for further instructions. "Now continue what you were doing, but this time…" he positioned the two of them so that Gaara was hovering over Sasuke, their erections in line with each other's mouths. "Suck," Neji growled. Their lips parted eagerly, and Gaara keened as he felt Sasuke's mouth around him.

As he watched the two sixty-nining on the bed, Neji stood and regretfully drew his finger out of Naruto's mouth. He slipped out of his pajama pants and boxers, grabbed a belt from his dresser, and rejoined Sasuke and Gaara on the bed.

"Gaara, face down on the bed," Neji said huskily. As the redhead moved off of Sasuke to comply, the brunet edged forward. Once Gaara was settled, he straddled him and looped the belt around a post in the headboard before wrapping it around the smaller boy's wrists a few times and tucking it securely in. He leaned down to nibble on the redhead's ear.

"You trust us, right?" he whispered.

"Yeah," Gaara sighed, shivering. "Yeah, I trust you." Neji and Sasuke shared a grin. Seeing what the brunet had in mind, Sasuke took his place on Gaara's back as Neji slid off. Sucking on a few of his fingers, Sasuke whined as Neji slipped the finger that was still wet from Naruto's mouth in him. After a few moments, he thrust back on it, letting the other boy know he could add another finger. Withdrawing his own fingers from his mouth, he leaned over to shower Gaara's back with kisses as he started to prepare the smaller boy.

The redhead was moaning quietly, eyes watering from mixed pain and pleasure as he felt his boyfriend's long digits move around in him. When Sasuke deemed him ready, he slowly drew his fingers out and replaced them with his member.

He pushed in gently, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the feeling of the tight heat and Neji's fingers in him. However, his restraint vanished when the brunet behind him sent three fingers directly into his prostate. His hips bucked, driving him deeper into Gaara, causing him to give a muffled cry of pain.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," he whispered like a mantra, hands firmly rubbing the redhead's lower back.

"I'm fine, I just-_ahhh Kami!!_" Gaara moaned suddenly. "Oh _God,_ what was that?!" The raven chuckled.

"That, my uke, was your prostate. Felt good?" he asked cheekily. Gaara whimpered helplessly as he pulled back and drove forward again, nailing his sweet spot with each thrust.

Neji, deciding Sasuke was stretched enough, positioned himself and waited for Sasuke to pull back, letting him control the speed of penetration. The raven thrust back and impaled himself, stiffening momentarily and groaning before relaxing and letting Neji take care of the rest.

The brunet set a harsh rhythm; each time he thrust into Sasuke's willing body, Sasuke would be pushed into Gaara. With the force of two people behind each thrust, Gaara was left helpless in his ties, moaning and writhing. Sweat shone on all of their bodies, reflecting the lamp.

Gaara's hands scrabbled for purchase on the wooden headboard, nails digging in to create little dents. His cries of pleasure were muffled by the pillow he was biting, and his eyes watered and overflowed from the intense feelings. An ache between his legs merely reinforced the fact that he couldn't touch himself, could barely move with his hands tied and Sasuke's and Neji's weight pinning him down. At the same time, though, his helplessness made everything feel so much more exquisite.

Sasuke wasn't doing much better. His head was lolling on his neck, and he seemed to be nearly out of his mind at the sensation of being both filled by and sheathed in hot flesh at the same time. Neji smirked at the sight of his overwhelmed lovers moving beneath him.

Their thrusting was becoming more sporadic, now, as all three approached the edge at a rapid pace. Wanting the redhead to come first, Sasuke reached down to grip the boy's member. He didn't have much room to move his hand, but just that small movement and a sudden, harsh squeeze sent Gaara into ecstasy. He stiffened, his mouth opening in a scream that never sounded for lack of air, and came all over Sasuke's fist and the bedcovers.

The erotic sight of Gaara coming made the raven clench around the brunet, which in turn caused Neji to come with a loud moan. Wetness coated Sasuke's insides and Gaara was spasming around him; it was too much. He came with a low cry that trailed off into gasping, and they collapsed on the bed. It seemed like everything was finally falling in to place as they were falling asleep. But then everything shattered.

A bloodcurdling scream pierced through the air. The three jerked their heads at the screech. All of them weren't prepared for what they saw. Naruto, poor little Naruto was writhing on the floor. His hands were by his ears scratching and scratching and each tear at his skin sent a new trail of blood down his face and hands. The three instantly jumped off the bed. Neji was the first to reach Naruto. He took Naruto's hands in his and instantly felt pain blossom in his palms as nails dug into his skin. Sasuke and Gaara soon appeared by his side whispering in his ears while desperately trying to wake him.

Suddenly Naruto shot up and looked frantically around the room with tear blurred eyes. His eyes instantly fell to Sasuke, Gaara, and Neji's shocked and worried faces. His mind wandered back to his nightmare and his body went still, dead. The three shook him and pleaded for him to move, twitch, cry, bleed, anything show he was still with them.

Naruto did nothing; he was too far lost.

* * *

**A/N- Yes again I, the great DBCA, humbly beg your forgiveness for adding the tearjerking ending that is known as angst. And to show that I am sorry I have written some omakes on how Gaara could have answered the 'trust' question. ENJOY!**

--OMAKE--

1.

"You trust us, right?" he whispered.

"No way BITCH!!"

"STFU!!"

"Keep your procreating down would ya! Some people are trying to sleep!!"

"Up yours you little blonde whore!!"

2.

"You trust us, right?" he whispered.

"Oh yes, Neji-sama! Take me into your strong feminine arms and hold me!!"

"0.o"

"o.0"

"-.- What's going on?"

"Notin' much"

"Kank what are you doing here?"

"Watching free PORN!!"

"Oh look Kiba!"

"What! Where!"

Falls out window

3.

"You trust us, right?" he whispered.

Naruto wakes up, "I need new friends."

"Wanna rape the wee little lass?"

"I aint a girl!!"

"Wa' ev'"

"Tie 'im down boys!"

"Ar!"

"Nooooo!! My Naru bring him back!!"

"Suigetsu help save my virginity!!"

"Hell noes! I'm the only one who's gonna take it!!"

4.

"You trust us, right?" he whispered.

Seran falls from the sky, asleep.

"Oooooooh a girl!"

"What do we do with it?"

"Burn her at the stake!!"

"Lawl"

"Eh?! Another girl!!"

"As right BITCHES!! I gonna cap yo ass all ova ya'lls bed!!"

"No me skittles! And me Rainbow where'd you go!!"

"How do you lose a rainbow?"

"She's wily that one! But a good horse!"

"?"

"What how else are we sposed to get to our PoTs? I mean come on refractions of light are pretty but get horrible gas mileage"

"0.o"

**A/N-** Seran here. How was the lemon? I mean, it wasn't the _best_ lemon I've ever written, but then again, I've never written those three together. And about the omakes...it was almost funnier watching her write them then actually reading them. She looked drunk, I swear xD


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